Parting ways with someone you love is never easy. The process in itself can be quite overwhelming and draining. You might feel lost and vulnerable. Most people either choose to drown themselves in heaps of work, watch a sad movie or wish to share the news with someone trustworthy to get it off their chest. However you choose to go about it, take your time with it. We know it is easier said than done.
When you finally do come to terms with the separation, you will eventually want to break the news to your friends and family. This stage is never as simple as it seems and it can get quite complicated, depending on the type of relationship you had or the seriousness of it. Before you get into it though, think about whether you’re ready to make the announcement. Sharing the news itself can often bring up plenty of unresolved feelings and emotions, that you just might not be ready to deal with yet. The best thing to do is to approach the matter in a calm and composed manner.
Here are a few tips on breaking the news about your break-up:
Decide whether you’d like to break the news immediately or wait a while:
Often, it’s better to take some time off, think it over and decide how soon you’d like to notify your loved ones. Heartbreak can be tricky. You need some time to process emotions for yourself before you start getting other people’s opinions on your relationship. If you feel you just can’t hold it in any longer and letting someone know is the only way for you to put yourself at ease, share the news with a few of your closest friends or family members who will listen without passing any judgement. This way, you can ensure the news stays within your intimate circle while simultaneously allowing you to vent.
Deciding who to tell:
If you’ve chosen to make the break-up official and its finally time to share the news, make sure to do it wisely. Usually, the smartest way to do this is to approach people whom you fully trust, first. This way you’d be sure the word doesn’t get out until you choose to tell the story yourself.
The more people you tell, the more unsolicited feedback you’ll invite.
Letting people know what’s required of them:
Not a lot of people know how to deal with loss or how to comfort someone who’s been through it. And that’s completely normal. Don’t assume people will know exactly what you need from them when you need it. Be vocal about your emotions and feelings. You may be surprised how well people respond when they know exactly how to support you in your time of need.
Less is more:
Less is always more when it comes to passing on the news to distant friends and relatives. People have a tendency to talk. The more you tell them, the more chances are people will add their two cents when they relay the information forward. You need to decide what pieces of information you’d like to share. Getting into the nitty gritty of an already tough situation might complicate things between you and your partner. Unsolicited advice may also lead to you questioning your decisions. We suggest keeping your statements brief, to the point and respectful.
Dealing with unsolicited advice:
The more people you tell, the more unsolicited feedback you’ll invite. Frequently, you might hear things like “You should have done this” or “if I were in your place, I would have handled it differently”. We get that it might be a difficult pill to swallow but think before you speak. It is no longer possible for you to go back in time and play out situations differently. Hence, it is unnecessary to learn how others would have conducted themselves had they found themselves in a similar position.
Keep your responses short and let friends and family know that though you appreciate their concern but you aren’t willing to discuss the matter any further. Try and avoid animosity when your friends and family speak negatively about your spouse. While they may not be in support of your partner after the breakup, this can make the process a lot harder for you.
Consult your partner:
While speaking to your ex may be the last thing you want to do, it would be a good idea to discuss how you two should move ahead with the situation. In case of a mutual break-up, you will know exactly how things took a turn for the worse and why the two of you decided to part ways. A messy break-up can often lead to resentment. This in turn would result in two different sides of the story. While you may have your point of view, so will your partner. The way the two of you recount the situation could ultimately determine the relationships you have with mutual friends. If both of you are on the same page and are willing to narrate the exact story, this might make the process relatively easier to move forward with. It will also help end the relationship in a more civilized fashion with no hard feelings amongst friends and family for your ex-partner.
We know heartbreak isn’t what you signed up for but sometimes things fall apart so better things can come together. We wish you good luck on breaking the news and we hope the transition to singlehood is easy, breezy for you!