Are you wondering whether or not communicating with your ex is a good idea?
Uncoupling after a long-term relationship or marriage can leave you with lingering feelings. Things get more complicated when there are children involved or if you have mutual friends, coworkers, or the same social network.
Unless one of you moves to another city, you might bump into your ex frequently. Talking with your ex makes these encounters less awkward.
This article discusses some benefits of communicating with an ex and how they help you move on with your life.
Talking with Your Ex: How Does It Work?
Uncoupling can mean setting new terms and conditions when you’re communicating with your ex. These new boundaries can help you avoid miscommunication and conflicts. Additionally, it ensures your interactions are limited and purposeful.
That way, you are less likely to follow old patterns and become dependent on your partner (and vice versa). When you strike a healthy balance in your conversations, you form a new bond with your ex. In turn, this allows you to move on with your life.
Here’s a closer look at some of the benefits of communicating with your ex:
You Learn from Past Mistakes
Talking with your ex reminds you of all the reasons why things did not work out between you. Recalling those missteps makes you less inclined to repeat them. Most couples will experience two advantages from this scenario.
Firstly, you and your ex may learn to grow from the experience. You work on communicating better with future partners. Secondly, you are less likely to return to your ex and romanticize a relationship that was never meant to continue.
…the most important benefit of communicating with an ex is finding closure.
Nevertheless, everyone learns a different lesson from this experience. Try your best to keep negative feelings aside and look at the brighter side of this newfound platonic relationship.
Forgive & Apologize
Many couples go through messy breakups and divorces. You might have said a few things during the argument that you may regret after the split. As long as you feel this way, you may replay those conversations again. That can make it challenging for you to move on in your life.
Therefore, clearing the air by opening lines of communication can prove beneficial when you are ready for ‘the talk.’ You can do this by scheduling a short meeting over coffee or a video call, depending on the situation. Make the most of this moment by apologizing (if applicable) and parting on amicable terms. You might even thank them for things you have learned from your relationship.
That said, remember that your ex might not agree to this situation. Only approach your ex if they are comfortable and interested in reconnecting.
Lastly, the most important benefit of communicating with an ex is finding closure. Breakups can often feel like a spur-of-the-moment decision. Couples who were dating might have broken up via text or gotten ghosted by their ex. Virtual breakups often leave a void regardless of how much time has passed. Taking time to reach out can give you the closure you need to move forward.
Co-Parenting with Your Ex
Co-parenting becomes simpler and easier when you are communicating with your ex. You are less inclined to fight over visitation dates and petty decisions when you agree to open communication. In a way, this gives both parents more time to focus on the wellbeing of their child (or children).
Moreover, it reassures children that they were not the cause of the split.
How to Make This Work?
Before you split you may have made custody and visitation arrangements or the court may have made them for you. If there is a court order, you have to follow it. Not doing so can result in serious legal issues.
Instead of getting in trouble with the courts, use that document or agreement as the basis for building each of your parenting relationships with the children.
See the box for resources and parenting plan suggestions and resources.
Here are a few rules you can follow:
- Don’t expect or assume anything.
- Ensure all agreements are straightforward and detailed.
- Create a structured schedule to support your child’s needs.
- Give each other space and privacy.
- Share updates if there are changes in plans to prevent miscommunication.
Besides this, you can use parenting apps to create schedules and keep each other in the loop. The benefit of communicating with your ex when you have kids is that their happiness remains a priority after you uncouple.
In the end, the benefit of communicating with an ex can vary from person to person. It gives you a fresh start in life and allows you to build a new relationship with that person if you want to maintain a friendship, or if you are required to because you share children. If you were friends before your relationship took a romantic turn, being friends still is possible.
It’s all about being open to experience those feelings and setting aside differences to find closure and if there are children, to put your children first.
Will you consider talking to your ex? Share your comments and insights.