When I moved in with my ex, she had much nicer kitchenware, dishes, utensils even bedding and other household items. We didn’t see any sense in keeping any of my things. Unfortunately, now that we’ve split – 8 years later, she’s claiming them to be hers – which technically they are. The hard part is this: I have to start all over again. I purchased a few thrift store items to buy me some time. I’d like to get quality items that will last. At the same time, I have friends and family who are trying to lift my spirits and show me they care. They keep asking me if they can “help me.” I tell them thanks, but no. The truth is, I could really use their help to upgrade my kitchen. Is this too much to ask?
– Help Needed
Dear Help Needed:
You are not alone! Every time a couple splits, the best case scenario is that personal items are divided fairly. Sometimes one person keeps just about everything, and the other person has to start over completely. It sounds to me like you are taking this wisely, with little to no hard feelings. Good for you. Feel good about that. Not everyone can be cool, calm, collected and kind when they are experiencing loss.
You ask if it is too much to ask people for tangible help. In a nutshell, no it’s not. Supplying emotional support can be difficult for some – no matter how much they care. Those people would love to have a tangible way to help. Many people love to be able to do both. They want to be there to give emotional support as well as have the opportunity to give tangibly. How do we love you? Let us count the ways! (Apologies to Elizabeth Barret Browning! I borrowed just a little.)
Luckily for us, the founders of this website agreed. When they were going through their breakups many years ago, they hoped to create a way that loved ones could easily help those going through a break-up. That hope lead to a great feature on this website: The gift registry. Here you can set up your list, pick out a variety of items you need, in the styles and colors you like. You can share the link (https://splitsvil.net/registry/) with your friends when you’re ready. They can use the same link to search for your name and find out what you need. As they share this link with others, together your friends and family can give you the tangible help you need to rebuild this part of your life.
Friends and family truly care about you and will want to help if they can. They will appreciate knowing what you need.
Thanks for asking