fbpx
  • Search
Content • Community • Compassion
Roommates eating pizza

Tips to Manage Mutual Friends After a Split

Two Female Friends Meeting Sitting Outside Coffee Shop On City High Street

Don’t forget to set basic parameters regarding how the two of you plan to go forward with mutual friends.

You and your partner/spouse finally realized that separation is the only solution to the never-ending strains on your marriage. The child custody issue may have been sorted out (I/A), but losing friends can be just as tricky and hurtful.  Divorces or splits are already difficult emotionally to deal with and adding potential loss of friendships add stress.

In the event of a split/divorce, mutual friends often think that maintaining friendships with both parties can make things messy and awkward, especially during social events. As a result, split/divorced couples may not be invited to dinners and parties. Unless you don’t want to maintain certain friendships, which could leave you socially isolated if all or most of your friends are mutual, sharing friends after divorce/split is critical. Here are some ways to manage mutual friends after separation:

Discuss With Your Ex-Spouse/partner

If you have good communication, it might be best to discuss how to handle various situations with friends. In some instances, only one of you might go to events/parties. But in other instances, both of you might go depending on the feelings of all the people involved. If both of you arriving at the same time makes you uncomfortable, then that is probably not the right choice and create a plan to arrive at different times.  In some instances, only one of you may get invited to a party/event. If you still want a relationship with that friend, try reaching out for lunch or some other activity.  Try to come up with a solution for your social life to work and for you to maintain the friendships you value.

…it is of critical importance to make sure not to use friends as weapons against each other. 

Set Up Rules

Don’t forget to set basic parameters regarding how the two of you plan to go forward with mutual friends. It is of critical importance to make sure not to use friends as weapons against each other. For example, you or your ex-spouse/partner must not speak ill of the other in front of friends in what would be a sorry attempt to alienate the other.

Decide on Sharing or Splitting

It may not be your choice. Some friends will choose one or the other. As stated above, if you still want a friendship with that person then find a reason to invite them to spend time with you, lunch, a movie, a walk in the park, golf. Whatever activity you used to share.

Don’t Drag Mutual Friends into your Split

No matter how much anger, pain, anxiety and frustration you’re going through, don’t drag your mutual friends into the situation. In serious divorce/splits, especially those triggered by extra-marital affairs, it’s all too common for divorcees/splitees trying to force mutual friends to take sides. Your friendships shouldn’t suffer so try to keep them separated.

Be Prepared to Lose Certain Friends

No matter how hard you try, there will still be friends who may decide to choose one of you after the divorce. When dealing with married friends, they may feel they need to let go of one person to show loyalty to another. Even if you and your ex are okay with shared friends, certain friends feel conflicted. Thus, if you sense one of your friends isn’t there for you anymore, don’t assume that your ex-spouse took them away from you. It might be the friend’s own decision. It’s more sensible to move on if you have tried to invite them to lunch or something else and they have declined.

Two Female Friends Meeting Sitting Outside Coffee Shop On City High Street

Stay Flexible

Things are naturally bitter right after a divorce/split, which is why the feelings can be extreme. Over time, it’s quite possible that these feelings change and the two of you become more comfortable socializing and sharing friends. In this case, you may want to revisit your mutual friendships and reconnect with friends that you thought were not going to remain in your circle.  

little bird

Content, Community, Compassion and Gift Registry for the Newly Uncoupled

Content, Community, Compassion and Gift Registry for the Newly Uncoupled
Read More
Content, Community, Compassion and Gift Registry for the Newly Uncoupled

7 Tips from the Single Mom’s Parenting Handbook

If you’re struggling as a single mother after you’ve separated from your partner, read this…
Read More
7 Tips from the Single Mom’s Parenting Handbook

The Importance of Communicating with Your Ex

Communicating with your ex can be tricky with or without kids. Here are some reasons…
Read More
The Importance of Communicating with Your Ex

6 Tips from the Single Dad’s Parenting Handbook

Don’t let a divorce come in the way of you being the best dad ever….
Read More
6 Tips from the Single Dad’s Parenting Handbook

Co-parenting: How To Make It Work!

Co-parenting can be quite tough but if we are able to find a balance, it…
Read More
Co-parenting: How To Make It Work!

Life After Divorce or a Split: How to Create a Fresh Start?

Life after divorce or breakup should not be the end of everything good. Learn how…
Read More
Life After Divorce or a Split: How to Create a Fresh Start?

Breaking News About Your Break-Up

Did you recently part ways with your partner don’t know how to inform you friends…
Read More
Breaking News About Your Break-Up

How to Mend Your Heart

Learning how to mend a broken heart doesn’t come easily after a split. Here are…
Read More
How to Mend Your Heart

The Best Tips for Coping with Divorce or Separation

Uncoupling can take a toll on your emotional and mental health. Learn how to move…
Read More
The Best Tips for Coping with Divorce or Separation

Splits the second time around, Step Families: Making Things Work for the Kids

Wondering how to divorce a blended family? Here are some practical steps to make the…
Read More
Splits the second time around, Step Families: Making Things Work for the Kids

Emotional Stages of Divorce (& Uncoupling)

Life after divorce is not easy. Yet, acceptance and relief will comfort you once the…
Read More
Emotional Stages of Divorce (& Uncoupling)

How Divorce Affects your Pet(s)?

Wondering how divorce affects your pet (s)?  Prepare yourself for custody battles, separation anxiety, and…
Read More
How Divorce Affects your Pet(s)?

Dear CeCe – Is My Therapist Normal?

Dear CeCe, I have been seeing a therapist to work at getting on with my…
Read More
Dear CeCe – Is My Therapist Normal?

Rom-Coms – Good, Bad or Indifferent on Our Relationship Expectations

Watching rom coms can effect how we measure our romantic relationships
Read More
Rom-Coms – Good, Bad or Indifferent on Our Relationship Expectations

7 Things to Consider Before Getting Back with an Ex

Tips for understanding your motives and how to make it work.
Read More
7 Things to Consider Before Getting Back with an Ex

Dear CeCe – Not Sure He’s a Match for Me

Dear CeCe, I’ve been divorced for over 3 years and have just gone on my…
Read More
Dear CeCe – Not Sure He’s a Match for Me

Dealing with Post Separation Loneliness

Dealing with Post Separation Loneliness. Ways to cope and connect for those newly separated.
Read More
Dealing with Post Separation Loneliness

Dear CeCe – Their Mom is Breaking All the Rules

Dear CeCe, Before our separation, my ex and I kept the kids on a pretty…
Read More
Dear CeCe – Their Mom is Breaking All the Rules

Dear CeCe – My Ex Isn’t Acting Like a Dad

Dear CeCe, My ex and I split up over a year ago. He paid child…
Read More
Dear CeCe – My Ex Isn’t Acting Like a Dad

Starting Over in the Same Bedroom – Time for a Refresh

Get rid of the old memories by making quick changes in your bedroom.
Read More
Starting Over in the Same Bedroom – Time for a Refresh

Dear CeCe – Not Ready Yet

Dear CeCe, I’ve been dating a man for about month now – maybe 6 or…
Read More
Dear CeCe – Not Ready Yet

Healing Music (Part 2) –Songs to Help You Move on From Your Ex

Releasing negative emotions through powerful moving on songs helps.
Read More
Healing Music (Part 2) –Songs to Help You Move on From Your Ex

close
Splitvil Little Bird

Subscribe to Splitsvil.net!

Get weekly notifications
of Splitsvil's latest posts!

We don’t spam!
Unsubscribe anytime.

Written by
Robin & Heather
View all articles

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Written by Robin & Heather

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Splitvil Little Bird

Subscribe to Splitsvil.net!

Get weekly notifications of
Splitsvil's latest posts!

We don’t spam!
Unsubscribe anytime.

%d bloggers like this: