I gained about 30 lbs. towards the end of my marriage and added 10 lbs. through the difficult separation process. As I’ve started to take better care of myself, working out and watching my diet, half the weight has come off and I am in significantly better shape. My ex-husband and I see each other once a week as we hand off the kids to one another. The last few weeks, he has been blatantly flirting with me and turning up the charm – just like when we met.
– How do I Handle my Flirty Ex-husband?
Dear How Do I Handle a Flirty Ex:
Congratulations on the work you’re doing to improve your health. I imagine you feel fantastic. It’s clear that your ex thinks so too. Regardless of how he feels, what’s most important is what you feel and want, as well as being careful for the kids.
Flirty sounds like it’s part of romance and sexual attraction. Is this something you want from him – do you want to get back together? Either way, if this is happening in front of your children it can make them hope that you will be reconciling. I would suggest having a conversation with your ex, away from the kids and letting him know that flirting in front of the kids may give them false hope that you might get back together. As part of this conversation, if you don’t want a reconciliation, let him know that as well, as gently as you can and as effectively as you need to.
If on the other hand, you are interested in a reconciliation, hold the same line about not flirting in front of the kids and ask him straight out, “Why are you doing this? What do you want to happen?” Based on his answers and your desires you can let the conversation play out. Even if you pursue a reconciliation, until you’re sure – keep it private between the two of you. If it doesn’t work out, they haven’t been hurt by false hopes. If it gets serious and you’re ready to recommit, they will feel the same, with no risk to their young hearts.
Great work taking care of yourself and taking care of your kids. I know you’ll manage this like a champ.