My ex and I split up over 6 months ago. We were together for 5 years. I haven’t heard from him in over 4 months. In the first couple of months, I checked up on him every week. He stopped responding to me. I promised myself I wouldn’t call or text him first. Why isn’t he calling or texting me? He must not have really cared for me, even after 5 years.
– Did he ever really care for me?
Dear Did He Ever Really Care for Me,
I can feel the hurt in your note. There could be multiple reasons why your ex didn’t respond or isn’t reaching out to you. With this as the only evidence, it’s impossible to conclude that he never cared. In your pain at his lack of communication and your sense of loss of the relationship you may be playing into old stories about hurt you’ve experienced in the past.
Some of the reasons that a ex might not reach out are rooted in their emotions. If the relationship ended badly, if he was hurt, frustrated, angry or feeling guilty, communicating with you, or reading communications from you might bring up these painful emotions. He may just be protecting himself. If you left him, he may be trying to get over you and again, protecting himself.
The only real conclusion you can draw, is that for now, he doesn’t want to communicate with you at this time. As hard as this might be for you, it’s important to respect his boundaries. Your feelings are still important. You are hurting and that is understandable. You need to focus on you. Take good care of yourself. Know that you deserve love and care. Utilize self-compassion to face your hurt and to nurture and hold your own pain with compassion. Just as you would towards a good friend who was feeling the same way. Please review the information about self-compassion on the Dear CeCe page. It can walk you through it if the concept is new to you.
My heart recognizes your hurt. I wish you love, joy, and healing. Trust that it will come to you as you care for yourself.