My last relationship ended over 2 years ago. I have been dating a guy for a few months now. He’s very nice, affectionate and is always trying to build me up. It’s hard for me to be vulnerable with him and open up completely. I should trust him, trust our relationship, but I’m scared. How do I get over this fear?
– Afraid to be Vulnerable
Dear Afraid to be Vulnerable,
Please be gentle with yourself. You’ve only been dating this man for a few months. Trust takes time. As a friend told me, quit should-ing all over yourself. The best relationships are built on wanting to be open with someone, wanting to be with someone, not full of I should be open, or I should want to spend more time with them.
Divorces, relationships ending, can be traumatic. If you were in a relationship with someone for years, and they broke your trust, either by cheating, lying, treating you badly, or shutting you out, that could affect how you feel about yourself and might make you less likely to feel safe enough to open up easily to others.
There are multiple reasons why you might be pressuring yourself to be closer to this man, or reasons that you are protecting yourself. It could be your instincts are telling you something that your brain isn’t in sync with. Giving it more time will help. If you feel there is some underlying issue, talk it out with a therapist or good friend. Until then, this article might provide some insight: Dating After Divorce – A Therapists Perspective.
Be kind to yourself, give yourself all the time you need to be comfortable with vulnerability. It is not only okay, its a good idea to let a new love interest earn your trust over time. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.