Dear CeCeDear CeCe,
I have been seeing a therapist to work at getting on with my life after splitting up with a longtime girlfriend. I’ve been seeing him for 5 months and don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. I feel he talks more than I do. When I touched on some abuse in my early life – he told me that it sounded like I had dealt with it and didn’t need to go more in depth. Is this normal? He also seems to talk more than I do in our meetings, often relating stories about himself.
– Is My Therapist Normal?
Dear Is My Therapist Normal,
No. Not in my experience. A good therapist should keep the focus on you. Never on themselves. There are instances when a therapist needs to talk. To explain new concepts, ensure that they understood you correctly, or explaining an exercise they want you to complete when you are on your own. Sometimes a therapist may disclose something personal about themselves to help their clients. That said if your therapist is telling you stories about their life frequently, it’s time to find someone new – especially when you feel like after 5 months, the sessions are not helping you.
Regarding how he handled your comments about the childhood abuse you suffered, what’s important is how you feel. If you felt that you wanted to talk about it, or that it is still causing you pain then I would disagree with his decision. However, not being part of the conversation or knowing what lead up to your disclosure, he may have had reasons for not discussing it further.
I would suggest finding a new therapist that is a good fit for you. A good therapist listens, draws attention to your strengths, provides and encourages self-compassion, and helps you to find your answers. Therapist directories can be accessed using the search term “Therapy Directory CityName” You can also find directories at GoodTherapy.org and on the Psychology Today site. You have the right to ask potential therapists about their approach to therapy, how they work and their back ground. Find some one who is a good fit for you.
Thank you for writing in. Good luck with your search. The hard part is making the decision to get help. I hope you are proud of yourself for taking the steps to be happier, and have a live more more to your liking in the future.
CeCe
Robin & Heather
