What is it with men whose profile photos on a dating sites don’t resemble the guys who arrive for a first date? Do they really think we won’t notice? I’m very specific in my profile: My true age (49), the acceptable geographic boundaries, and a true, recent photo.
The last guy I agreed to meet was photographed as nice-looking, with a trimmed beard, living 30 minutes’ drive from me. He arrived at a local bar-restaurant, an hour late: A beat up 60 -year-old man with a scruffy beard and two teeth missing. I did speak with him over drinks and, I learned he’d lost them over a year ago. Do he think I wouldn’t notice?
What’s your take on this? This was one extreme example, but it’s not uncommon!
– Fed Up With Online Dating
Dear Fed Up With Online Dating
I can only imagine what kind of shock that must have been for you. I’m so glad you took the time to speak with him and get to know him a little. His picture sounds like it was at least a few years old. Ouch! In all honesty, I bet that’s not uncommon. People tend to “put their best foot forward” when meeting new people. I would speculate that 50% of people use a super flattering angle or an old photo on their dating profile. Relying on a photo isn’t enough when you’re agreeing to meet a stranger.
I love that you are so honest in your own profile. You could include a note in your likes, dislikes that you value honesty above all else. Maybe even a not-so-subtle sentence that lets them know that you look like your profile picture, and you hope that they do too! Additionally, you might be able to take some of the “surprise” out of the first meeting by chatting online, or on the phone, instead of meeting first. Just like many first job interviews, phone screening can weed out those who aren’t a good fit!
Dating apps have revolutionized how people meet, by providing a structure and access. Take advantage of the opportunities, but be discerning, selective, and cautious when choosing whom to meet, and whom to give a pass.