The holidays are here. This is my first holiday since my last relationship ended. I’m starting to feel depressed and alone. I don’t even want her back; I’ve been doing okay. There is something about the winter holidays that make me miss sharing the season with someone special. It’s probably just seasonal and will go away once the holidays are over.
– I have the holiday blues!
Dear I Have the Holiday Blues,
I’m sorry you are suffering. While holidays can be a time of great joy, it can emphasize our feelings of loneliness. You are not alone. A Value Penguin article estimates that 55% of Americans struggle with Holiday loneliness.
For those of us longing to be in relationships, it can be even tougher this year. Those holiday romance movies seem to have multiplied. They are everywhere!!! They paint such a rosy picture of loving relationships. The real picture is much more complicated – as we all know. It may help to remind yourself why your relationship ended. EVERY relationship is complicated. Looking at them realistically can help. When I struggled with feelings of aloneness, I always reminded myself, that I’d prefer to feel alone when I am alone, then feel alone in a relationship.
Next step: Focus on you. Do things that bring you joy. Make yourself a stocking with fun items. Focus on what you do have in your life. Instead of thinking about the 12 days of Christmas and what a lover could give you, start each day of the next 12 days, with a gratitude list. Gratitude is a great happiness maker. Be grateful that you have this time to focus on you. You deserve happiness and love. Give it to yourself.
I am grateful that you want to be in love, that you want to be in a relationship. Love yourself, be kind, be patient and even a little indulgent over the holidays. You will find the right love eventually.