Dear CeCeDear CeCe,
After 6 years of living together, my girlfriend and I were married. Marriage shouldn’t change anything, but it did. We argued more, and somehow fell out of love. It was mutual, and we split up last month. Her parents were against the marriage because they don’t accept gay marriages. Now she wants me to go to an event with them and pretend we’re still together. I don’t like pretending. It sounds like a bad movie plot! However, I guess there is a part of me that doesn’t want them to use our split to inadvertently hurt my ex. They may use our breakup as a “we told you so/it’s for the best.”
– Should I pretend we are still together?
Dear Should I pretend we are still together?
Ouch. I’m sorry her parents were or are unable to accept marriage equality. It does sounds like they are still very much in their daughter’s life – that is encouraging and hopeful. Even loving parents can have generational prejudice. They don’t understand how their unacceptance hurts their children. I’ve witnessed how this parental blind spot can cause unintended pain. Your care and concern for your previous partner is obvious and heartwarming.
I’m not a fan of pretending – no matter how well intentioned. All those romantic movies paint the picture that people do it all the time – they don’t, and that it can rekindle a romance – not likely. Pretense isn’t healthy. Neither is your ex-feeling so unaccepted that she doesn’t want to be around her parents and give them another opportunity to hurt her. My best advice is to talk it out with her. She may want to consider not attending this event. It might be the perfect opportunity for her to share the hurt she has endured from her family.
She has the right to protect herself and ask for the support and love she needs from those who are important to her. If she feels the need to attend the event you could go with her as a supportive friend. Or support her in speaking with her parents ahead of time, sharing the news, and asking for their support and love.
Follow your heart. Be a friend. You’ll make the right decision.
CeCe
Robin & Heather
