A mutual friend of my ex and I is having a destination wedding. We already purchased our travel and accommodations before we split. We split up just two months ago. I can’t afford to get accommodations on my own. He told me that he would be okay with us going together and still sharing a room. I really want to go. Should I take the chance and hope we don’t kill each other?
– Destination Wedding With My Ex
Dear Destination Wedding,
I’m going to assume you’re kidding about “killing” each other. This sounds an awful lot like the set up for a Hallmark Movie, where the recently split couple ends up getting back together. We always think those movies are so far-fetched and unrealistic – or do we? I think sometimes, in the back of our mind, it can influence us and plant seeds of hope or thoughts of new possibilities. I worry about you getting disappointed or hurt. It’s important to very honest with yourself about what you want to happen on this trip. Equally important is to understand as best as you can what your ex wants. People are complicated and getting to the truth isn’t easy.
Human beings are built to long for things they want in their lives. It’s a safe vantage point to project into the future and see the perfect manifestation of our yearning. When that desire is to be in a romantic relationship, not uncommon, we can look at former lovers, romanticize that past, and see a rosy, happy and beautiful future. It looks so easy in the future and feels so good to dream about it. Reality is never that easy. The problems that that caused the relationship to end will most likely reoccur.
The bottom line is this – know yourself. If you hope to rekindle your relationship, revisit the issues that caused the split and reconsider that urge to get back together. If he wanted the split, is he looking for a reconciliation, or is he trying to accommodate the desire you both have to attend the wedding? Ask him how he thinks it will work. Talk over how you will each take care of yourself while you are spending so much time together in this relaxed setting. There is no right or wrong answer here. The answer that you’re seeking will be found in your self-reflection!!
Take care of yourself and know that you have everything you need within you to make the right decision.
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